a new direction…

I’d like to let you all know what is going on here. I am going to be joining forces with some guy friends of mine and putting a together a forum, a blog of sorts. Our goal is to build a community of men committed to encouraging each other in the healing of our hearts and to boldly moving forward in loving those around us. I’m not sure if it’s going to be a “boys only” thing, it hasn’t been decided yet, but I’m definitely excited for what God is piecing together. Maybe we’ll have a “wives” section so that we could get feedback from you all. That would make sense to me, but we’ll see. Thanks for your patience here as I wrap things up with this blog. It has been a wonderful instruction and encouragement to me.

I will keep you posted on what is going on and be sure and give you a link here to the new forum.

find, accept, join….

I’ve doing quite a bit of thinking lately about the Life Groups at our church, especially the ones in our youth program. I’ve been trying to think of ways to help guide the Life Group leaders into meaningful conversation and connection with kids. I’ve come up with this fairly simple layout of ideas. What do you think?

Find their heart. Ask questions and listen. Help them figure out what they feel. Create an environment in your group where that can happen. Help them find words to express what comes to the surface. Most likely it will mean that you have to share your heart as well. Show them that the group is a safe place for feelings by showing your feelings first.

Accept their feelings. Right or wrong, their feelings are their feelings and they are valid feelings. The number one rule of the teacher is to take the student from where they are to where you want them to be. That means you need to accept their feelings. You can do that by nodding, or simply by not disagreeing with their feelings. Let it be okay for them to feel what they feel. Applaud their courage in sharing those feelings.

Join their feelings. Ecc 4 says two can do what one cannot. Let them know that they are not alone. Tell them you care. Look them in the eye and tell them that they are not alone in the one place it truly matters, in their heart. Find a way to help them feel like they have a friend who knows and understands how they feel.

The key is not to have the right answers. The key is for them to feel not alone in the struggle. God will bring the insight. God will help two to do what one cannot.

four winds….

I find my heart and ministry heading in four specific directions; youth, their parents, men, and friends in general.

Youth – having taken over the youth group at The Summit (after about a 15 year break from being a youth pastor) I have absolutely fallen in love with them and it. My brain is flying with ideas and I am so excited for this opportunity to be their friend and to come alongside them in any way possible.

Their parents – when I was a youth pastor many years ago, my kids were babies. Now, having a 13, 15, and 17 year old, I feel much more connected with the parents, their needs and their struggles. I want to join them and help them feel like they have a friend in this difficult endeavor.

Men – Men are called to love and lead with all of their heart. But that is very difficult and can be very scary. I want to come alongside them and encourage them. Being a man myself, and having dealt with (read that as “dealing with” the issues of a broken heart and its resulting dysfunctions, I want to help – to be a part of “two doing what one cannot.”

Friends in general – all of us have grown up with imperfect parents and in a harsh world. We have all developed a wall around heart, deciding to play it safe as opposed to loving with abandon as our Savior did. And most of this came by unintentional deicisions we made early in our life. I want to be an encourager to those who have decided to deal with those early decisions, and to scrap off those dysfunctions by dealing with those injuries.

Can I go at these four (related) directions in one blog? We’ll see. What do you think?

trusting a new direction…

I’ve had several conversations with people lately about changing the way they think, and respond, and act in certain situations. The idea of changing the way we do things is scary. Especially if we’ve been doing them “our way” for as long as we can remember. Things we decided a long time ago, unintentionally, that now we are starting to discover aren’t good for us. Things we decided in fear. Things we decided in anger, or in hurt.

Flaring up when someone challenges us. Retreating when a situation gets difficult. Attacking when feeling attacked. Hiding when feeling afraid. None of us intentionally decided to start these trends. And there are a ton of reasons to ignore them. Except for the fact that they don’t work, they don’t build relationships. They destroy them.

And it is the easiest thing in the world, to blame someone else. But real men and women own their stuff. No excuses.

Several of you out there are thinking and considering the ardous task of taking on your stuff. Of challenging your lifelong reasoning. I applaud your courage, and I stand right beside you. It will feel like the deepest and most painful death, but it actually leads to life, for those with the courage to press though.

I know what’s it like to let go. It hurts. You think you won’t make it. You think you are going to die. You feel like you are falling to your death. But if you hang on just a bit you begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel. And you wonder if it could all make some sense some day. One day. I promise you, it does. It will. I do promise.

Romans 12:2 – Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.

an interesting week….

It feels like finals week. Not so much a ton of pressure. But a week that will determine next steps, specific directions, all with a new level of intentionality. I’ve joined hands with a couple of guys to take my service to Sue to a whole new level, I’ve taken on a brand new ministry that takes my world into a whole new direction (that I absolutely am falling in love with, btw….), I’ve fallen in love with golf and having a ton of fun understanding and reshaping my swing (I hadn’t played in a couple of decades), and a few other personal endeavors that take me to the edge of who I am and what I believe and feel.

I’m having to stay completely alert and on task as I adapt to these new parts of my world. And I couldn’t do it if I wasn’t sure that God was involved in every single area, even the golf. He has spoken clearly and I am trying to obey.Yes, it is incredibly difficult, but for every ounce of energy and discipline it takes from me it gives back a sense of correctness and satisfaction. Plus, sometimes you have to do the right thing even when everything inside of you screams to turn around and head back to where you were before. (yes, I hear that voice every single day!)

So thanks for praying for me when you think about it. Thanks for caring about my world. And thanks for walking beside me in this time. I’m looking forward to a simpler day. But today is here, and I will do what He calls me to do. And I know it will lead me to His heart and to the other joys he holds for me. One day.

turning a corner…

hello friends,

It’s been awhile since we’ve chatted. Things have slowed down here on the blog. It’s not because things have changed in any negative way. On the contrary, things in my world are good. Very intentional and often difficult, but very good. I can see God at work, I can see where He wants me to go. I can sense His presence and His “atta boy” at almost every turn.

It’s just that things change once in awhile. And this blog is changing. Morphing. Into what, I do not know, but I do know that God is at work.

Many of you know that I have taken on the job of running the youth group at our church. That is becoming such a fun adventure. God is absolutely going ahead of me in that in doing some great things. It is so much fun to lean back into the kids’ lives after all these years. But I have to admit, it feels very comfortable having a 13 and a 15 year old myself.

Anyway, my point is to say thanks for your time here, and your patience while I figure out my next steps. For now I am trying to lean into God’s heart, to let Him hear mine, and to follow His cues as closely as possible. When I hear from Him, you’ll hear from me, right here. Deal?

He’s Alive!!!!!

…nuff said from me. What was your Easter like?

I have a theory….

I know, I know, I have a theory about everything. But this one was included in yesterday’s discussion on prayer in quiet times. I ended the lesson by quoting Psalm 13:1, two times. Once with my hands politely folded and with a soft voice, and once with my arms in the air shouting toward the ceiling. Remember?

“How long, o Lord? Will you forget me forever?”

My theory is this…. the honest passion with which you express the prayer is equal to the honest passion you will experience when you receive your answer.

Now remember, I didn’t say that it was part of my theology, but just a theory. A theory is an idea you are working to understand better, an idea of how you think things will happen. I’ve seen it play out over and over in my life. The most memorable prayer in my life was an audible argument we had twelve years ago. I call it the day I started being honest with Him. It was the first day for many things, a true beginning.

Anyway, what do you think?

from another angle….

It’s natural to look at our quiet times times from the perspective of “what’s supposed to be in them.” That is our primary goal over these next three or four weeks. We do, though, hope to truly surprise you with some of the thoughts and ideas we have on that subject.

My final thought on Sunday was to come at it from a completely different angle. Ask yourself the question, “What is it that I would like to experience and/or feel during a quiet time?” Restated it might sound like, “What are the things I would experience or feel that would cause me to decide that it was a powerful quiet time?”

I felt like we had some great and honest responses in the group on Sunday. Real peace, an awareness of His presence, that He actually heard my prayer, an awareness of His love… Wonderful. What is YOUR answer? I’d like for you to consider this right there in the privacy of your own world. I believe God wants to meet you in a powerful way. I believe God knows how you function. I believe God is not trying to force you into a mold. I believe that God wants to truly meet you where you are. Those two questions in the previous paragraph will help us discover where you are. Isn’t that the first rule of getting where you want to go? Finding out where you are!

Please share your answers here and we will develop this idea over the next several weeks. Marianne and I both thank you for being involved and invested, both in class and right here.

our first assignments….

Marianne concluded our first class with two assignments…. memorize Mark 1:35 and come up with the answer to this question… “If you could ask God one question about why He did something, what would it be?” Please remember that Marianne asked that we move beyond the “why did You make aardvarks so weird” type of question and get to something more personal. So this is the place to start collecting your answers to that second assignment. Thanks for participating!